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sesaat gw pikir sudah jauh dari titik semula bergerak menjelajah rasa ingin tahu. eh, nyatanya ndak juga. macam mau menulis omong kosong ini. ada pikiran mau mengungkap soal terkini tentang apa di balik isi kepala. tapi soal apa? iya soal apa oooiiii? semua sudah ada di google.com. kutu kupret. mau tulis soal cinta? kucing garong  dah cinta. soal  hidup?  ampun pak.  soal  bangsa dan negara? wealah, mampus lo. jadi soal apa? hmm, bagaimana kalo soal iklan di jalan. ah, itu juga busuk. apa ya? bagaimana kalau soal kekuasaan. semprul, kulo ora mudheng. tapi ini ada satu kalimat lama yg lumayan dalem. everything flux, nothing stays the same. lha, tapi itu tadi kalimat pertama katanya ndak bergerak? piye toh? mangkanya jangan sesumbar dulu. pasti ada yg berubah. musti ada. mungkin ndak lebih baik, ndak juga lebih buruk. toh baik dan buruk ndak jelas juga. tapi kalo ndak jelas, lalu apanya yg berubah? semprul. mungkin ini yg berubah: yang berubah adalah…hmm apa ya, mungkin ini, hmm…yg berubah adalah…kutu kupret..apa ya yang berubah..kucing buduk, gelap, dang hu boto. lappeett! pohul-pohul!

believe it or not, i forgot my user name and my password for my other blog. i guess that’s the price you have to pay when you are so preoccupied with inconsistency and scattered thoughts. perhaps why it seems that my own picture is full of dots than any of clear images. a person lacking with coherence, they say. ah, i wish i could be an organized person with an incredible attention to details. no,no, perhaps i am just  another ‘menggelinding’ person, as one of new colleagues here in this office claimed what kind of person he is.

yet, i may be wrong, but somehow, i love the idea of predetermined path, journey, or life - you name it; that no matter how it seems we are drifted away from our expectations, plans, arrangement -again, you name it, we are actually, livingly, lovingly, truthfully, following our own destiny. is it? i don’t know..

gosh, nothing in the world as pleasing as talking about ur self, myself, my o, my.. perhaps she is right, i love myself too much, too damn much.

Akhirnya jadi peneliti juga. setelah menimbang kiri kanan atas bawah, di sini saja sudah. mudah2an ke depan bisa lancar2 semua. so help me God.

kemarin sempet nonton metro, terus ada acara ttg tulis-menulis blog yang lagi trend di kota besar di negeri ini. wimar witoelar yang hobi majang foto makanan di flickr sambil kongkow2 di citos bilang kalau kegiatan blogging ini bisa memacu demokrasi dan memicu revolusi sosial. semacam epidemi kesadaran politik begitu. aku miris betul. kawan ini terlalu nyaman hidupnya sekarang, mungkin. beberapa kali kuintip blog2 orang, terlalu banyak omong kosong. macam punyaku ini. kalau kupikir, menulis blog itu ibarat masturbasi dengan kata di monitor. padahal, hubungan intim yang sesungguhnya adalah duduk2 di warung kopi sambil bicara. dalam dan berkali-kali. dari sana revolusi sosial bisa dimulai. di seluruh negeri.

read my mambo jambo now at www.gerakgaris.blogspot.com

life is painting a picture; not doing a sum
–OW Holmes–

Writing something witty is beyond my comprehension. I don’t
have the privilege to do that. The best that I can do is asking questions and
feel discontented with it. The thing is, I feel that what really matters are
those things that I can learn to accept just the way it is, without remorse and
regret. At any rate, it’s not something new after all, for I have seen people
who do just that in many parts of the world; those who gladly sow the seeds of
hope in their backyard.

Seize the day they say, with the morning wings they
fly. They believe on futility upon anger and hatred. They understand the efficacy
at tolerance and pardon. Compromise is their magic word. What about your
principle then? Where should you put it? How do you fit your self in the world
of inequality and unfairness? Like a little boy who lost his toys, I keep annoying
my Father to give me a clear answer.

Yet, those are flawed questions to ask in the first place. Principle
has nothing to do with adaptation. As much as the apparent impact of my action,
my inwardness and the outside world are separate entities within which norms of
reciprocity are hardly exist. As a well-known aphorism says ‘it’s all in your
head’. I am the master of my own reality. Now, I’m starting to realize that
even asking question is not a simple task. It’s not about finding the right answer;
it’s about asking the right question.

The road that lies ahead will never be the same again. Self-doubt
has to move further to self-assurance. My scattered thoughts have to be portrayed
into a beautiful picture. Quoting Adam Duritz, gray will be my favorite color, and eternity will be my canvas. 

This very morning, this is going to be my first stroke. Is
it? I’ll never know.

sesuatu menghantam belakang kepala siang tadi
nicky bilang kena tekanan darah tinggi awak ini
sakit betul, tengkuk mengeras,
macam ada tiang2 besi dibalik leher
berdiri lama tak kuat pula
setelah sekian malam duduk dan mengetik
dan tertidur pula di atas kursi
ini upahnya? gila
bagus kau sakit, tanda-nya masih normal, batak itu bilang
kawanku ada yg langsung stroke,
baru umur 21 tahun, tambahnya pula

kulihat badanku yg mengembung macam karung ini
ya Tuhan, apa saja yg kumakan?
harus segera olahraga teratur
dan makan sayur
jus juga mungkin,

sesuatu menghantam belakang kepala siang tadi
belum juga reda malam ini
setelah ini lalu apa
besok pagi jalan kaki dulu
pelan-pelan

when you reach thirty
your body has its own mind
–bette midler–

there are times when a song hits you so deep in your heart and your soul

this is one of those.